Blogging in B Minor

One step backward! Isn’t that the way life seems to be sometimes? Well, I haven’t had a focal seizure for nearly 2 months now and I was at work today in a meeting and my left leg started to twitch. At first I didn’t think much of it – after all, all of my focal seizures have been confined to my left shoulder and arm. However, it was familiar to me and it got my attention. After a minute had gone by, I decided to walk out and go to my office for a few minutes and I had a slight limp – for a few steps – mainly due to the weakness that had developed. So, it was definitely happening. I just sat down and relaxed and within five minutes it had passed. It’s important to turn this stuff over. It’s important, again, to stay right here in today. Yes, I wonder what it means and contacted my doctors. My Radiation Oncologist believes it’s a breakthrough seizure. I wanted to know if he would surmise if this was indicative of growth, brain swelling as a result of radiation therapy (even though I experienced zero symptoms of this during radiation treatment) or if this was not related to it at all. He said it could be – that the radiation collectively over the 6 weeks could have irritated it. After all, it is fully involved in the primary motor cortex.

I spoke to my Medical Oncologist and she is much more conservative. She says regardless, I need to be careful driving – what might happen if I see flashing lights, a sudden collision occurs in front of me, etc. Fact is, this is my left side. My right leg/foot controls my car. She is very conservative as I said. It may get more difficult far down the line but I’m not there yet – and I refuse to put myself that far into the future yet I’m also not someone who, as anyone who has read my blog knows, buries my head in the sand. So I’ll meet with my Neurologist who is managing the seizures and we’ll talk about modifying the anti-seizure meds which is what was discussed by telephone today. The bottom line? I’m doing everything I need to do – the footwork as it were beginning with prayer. No, you don’t overreact but as I’ve said before, you have to be on top of this stuff. I personally log it all. Why? Doctors ask – they need to know and I want them to know. I don’t want to respond to that question (when was your last seizure) by saying “I think it was around 3 weeks ago but I don’t know.”

My immediate fear was the tumor is evolving. Why else would I have a seizure out of nowhere?? Well, again, dismissed. I can’t go there – that is why I am a Believer. I can turn this over to God and not carry this on my shoulders. I’m not alone here. I can’t dwell on this and look at the future and the tumor, is it evolving etc. It’s about staying in today and enjoying today. It is what it is. I have an MRI on October 1st. On October 1st I will see the film and deal with that question. Today is September 22nd and I have talked to my doctors. For the rest of today I am going to enjoy my family. I am going to play Candyland with my son. I am going to read him a Batman book before he goes to bed. I’m going to give him a bath and put a tupperware container at one end of the bath and plastic balls at the other and tell him he’s got 5 shots to make a basket and if he does he’s the champion of the world! That’s what I’m going to do….

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