Blogging in B Minor

I believe one of the most difficult aspects of being a brain tumor survivor is in staying in today – one of the coping mechanisms if you will. In time, it’s not so much of a coping mechanism. This may be true for any of us in just living life but it becomes increasingly more important if you’ve been diagnosed with any terminal disease. Many of us may have lived our lives this way prior to being diagnosed with a brain tumor. I certainly tried to practice this. The fact is, none of us know what tomorrow holds. All of our days our numbered, it’s just that I’ve been given a number to some extent – at least I’ve been given “parameters” based on statistical analysis involving large numbers of brain tumor patients over a long period of time. Is there validity to these statistics? Sure. Do they apply to me as an individual? Not really.

I’m writing this post because it’s easy to get caught up in the frenzy of “statistics” and I do it from time to time. I read something this morning that sent me in that direction for a brief time. So, I felt it was a good idea to post this for anyone that finds themself doing this as well as a reminder for myself. Regardless of what anyone says, what any resource you read says, you are a statistic of one at the end of the day. For my particular tumor, a grade III oligoastrocytoma (which is a grade III, or malignant glioma), I know people who are 10 years out from diagnosis. Statistics say that shouldn’t be. So, the way an individual responds to treatment is different from person to person. It’s important to realize that and if I find myself wading into the pool of survival rates, I stop myself. The only reason I have is to be responsible and plan for my family (have things in order, such as life insurance, pension plans and the like) – then I am done.

Digressing to the opening topic, staying in today is the key strategy. How easy it is for any of us to travel into tomorrow, next week, next month or even a year or two from now. I can’t go there. And when I do that, I’m not enjoying what there is to enjoy today. I’m preoccupied with tomorrow, I can’t enjoy my wife and children, what today holds and I’m simply not present. The way I look at it is if I’m focused on the past I’m probably regretful about something and I can’t change it. If I’m focused on the future I’m most likely worried and anxious about something and that day hasn’t even come yet! However, if I’m focused on today I can enjoy it, I have influence over my circumstances with God’s guidance and everything is as it should be. Certainly what complicates this and makes this much more difficult is living with a brain tumor. Sometimes you feel like you have a ticking time bomb that can make your life go sideways at any time. Therefore, it’s easy to slip into that flawed thinking that takes you into the future. However, for me (being a cognitive guy!) I refocus and try to stay in today, where I should be and can be comfortable.

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