Blogging in B Minor

Well, here we go.  Surgery number two.  When I looked at that MRI yesterday, I have researched this long enough and looked at enough scans to know one from another in terms of grade.  I knew this tumor was going through malignant transformation.  It just didn’t look good period.  I had a long discussion at home last night with my Neuro-oncologist who had spoken to both of my Neurosurgeons (who had both looked at the film and report).  Both said surgery.  One said surgery and that he felt we could get a really good resection that would likely not result in paralysis on the left side.   His partner, who is my neurosurgeon and lead said that this changes the ballgame completely and asked the coordinator to book an OR at the surgery suite over at Sutter Memorial.   

A tumor that doubles in 60 days doesn’t give you the luxury of time.  12.5% a week – you can’t wait.  Of course you are assuming it continues at that growth rate but what else can you assume?  The worst case scenario.  Rachael and I thought about it last night – not for long though – and we will go forward and have surgery next Wednesday October 8th.  I will have to be more aggressive this time.  They believe they can be successful without paralysis, just weakness – to what degree is unknown.  May need some rehab to build strength back.  I know it’s so cliche’ but it is what it is.  I can’t change this.  We are praying of course.  We are praying for healing, for strength, for hope and a clean surgery.  But this is one of those circumstances in life that cannot be chanced – you have no control and it’s frustrating.

Don’t get me wrong – this SUCKS!.  I’m angry.  I’m pissed off.  I was angry at God last night.  If He can do anything, why is all of this happening??  Well, those feelings come and then they are fleeting.  There are things that happen in the world, to many people – to young children that their whole future in front of them and it can’t be explained.  You wonder why?  Well, why not.  You just have to accept it all and move on.  So, Wednesday we will move on and pray about it all.

That’s it for now.  I have a friend that may make some posts here.  His name is Glen so if you see some other posts you’ll know.  Your prayers and support are appreciated

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