Blogging in B Minor

How many times do we focus on the future and worry about the future.  As a brain tumor survivor, I struggle with this all the time.  I know many other survivors do.  Caregivers and family members alike have the same problem.  Much of this is human nature.  A great example is when an MRI scan is approaching.  It’s nerve wracking!  It’s difficult not to look at that date on the calendar and start wondering about the outcome of the scan.  Starting a new therapy – chemo.  How do you cope?  Seeking out people who have gone through it.  How will I do this?  Surgeries?  For me, my tumor is on the motor strip.  I was told I wouldn’t walk again.  I walk.  The goal, however, is not to catapult myself into tomorrow – nor is it to dwell on yesterday.  It’s staying in TODAY.  The moment.  The power of today.  I can’t change yesterday nor can I change what will happen tomorrow.  Yes, I can learn as much as possible about treatments but when I move into worry, anxiety and other negative thinking that is not helpful then I need to adjust and be present.

Let’s face it, whether you have a brain tumor or any other problem in life, all any of us have is today.  I can second guess what’s happened in the past but it’s gone and done.  I can also worry about the future but all that will accomplish is taking me out of the moment – I’m not present for my wife and children, my friends, God – even myself.

Steven Curtis Chapman wrote an amazing song called “The Miracle of the Moment”.  It’s worth placing the first two verses and chorus here in this post:

—–

It’s time for letting go
All of our “if onlies”
Cause we don’t have a time machine

And even if we did
Would we really want to use it
Would we really want to go change everything

Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

There’s only One who knows
What’s really out there waiting
And all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He’s out there waiting
To Him the future’s history

And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

—–

Pretty powerful, relevant and so on point.  Should’ve.  Could’ve.  Would’ve.  How unproductive but I find myself doing it.  And I pray.  The other question I ask myself is “Is this helpful?”  If it isn’t, I stop.  Sometimes it isn’t easy.  Having a relationship with God certainly helps – I pray for His will for me.  He’s the author of life.  He knows where this is going.  And as this song describes, it is about letting go – not just the “if onlies” but everything.  Living freely.  Living for today and sometimes, when the road is rough, living for the moment – the miracle of the moment.

I pray that we all can take life as it comes and not worry so much about our future.  It will play out as God has planned it to be.  If you are not a believer, that’s ok too.  Staying in today is for you, too.  I want to be there.  My youngest son Keegan turns 2 on Monday.  What if I’m all worried about my upcoming MRI?  I’m not going to allow that to happen.  Today is Friday.  I’m enjoying Friday.  I hope you are enjoying / have enjoyed Friday as well.

Peace

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