I hope all is well with everyone.  I’ve been doing ok.  A few seizures here and there but not anything I can’t handle.  I had one at work on Monday and had to head home but it wasn’t too bad.  Once you have experienced enough of them, you can face them with little fear.

I was reading a devotional a few nights ago and it was about faith.  As brain tumor survivors, family members, friends etc – we pray.  We pray for healing, comfort, miracles, hope, strength – the list is long.  As I continued to read, I thought about my family, all of you, myself and many other people.  The piece compared the differences and altogether contradiction between faith and common-sense – that faith is not common-sense.  Can you have faith in God where your common-sense cannot place trust?

In our situations, we put our faith and prayers in God’s hands – at least many of us do.  For most of us, this diagnosis has pushed us down into a valley, run us dry, and given us no outlook in the beginning or at certain stages.  As such, we will see whether we can go through a trial that tests faith, or whether we will sink back to something lower. 

Our faith is tested.  The devotional asks the question, “What is testing your faith right now?”  That test will either prove that your faith and hope for the future is right, or it will kill it.  The gist is that it’s easy to stand on the mountain top and pray, have faith, etc.  Our faith really isn’t tested.  It’s when we have trials in our lives that our faith is tested – and we either succeed or fail and to failing is not an option for me.  We have no choice but to face it in my view.  Curling up and shutting out the world is not an option.  This is not to say it’s easy – not at all.  If you’ve been reading, I’ve had 2 surgeries (one of which was 2 weeks prior to my second son being born), IMRT radiation, gamma knife, 8 rounds of chemotherapy, was unable to walk and now I can, etc.  It’s been hard – and there will be more but living in today and having faith are key.  No one is perfect.  I’m flawed in so many ways it’s laughable.  But one thing I do know is God isn’t done with me yet – there’s a plan, and I have guidance here.  I trust in that and have faith.

It doesn’t matter if you believe, don’t believe, etc.  I think the key is faith – whatever you put that faith into.  For me it’s just different.

I have an Avastin treatment today.  I’m still using only avastin and the experimental vaccine.  More to come…

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