Email This Post Email This Post Print This Post Print This Post

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:16)

How many days does anyone have left?? I don’t know and no one does, except God. As many of us have learned through the Bible, He knows the exact number of years, days, hours and seconds that we will be here on earth.

This may not seem like a very uplifting topic. In fact, most people find the topic frightening. As the brain tumor survivor, I have grown to adapt to this thought and find a lot of comfort in knowing that God has a perfect plan for me.  I will not die a day sooner or live a day longer than what has already been planned by him from the start.  In knowing this, I am relieved of the fear of death and I can fully live the life that God has planned for me. This does not mean it’s easy.  After all we are only human.  However, I can move through this trial with the One who is intimately involved in my life.

God knows me! He knows everything about me. He watches over me and my family and has proven time and time again this all to be true. Right now, we are cautiously discussing the notion of my not working so that I can spend time with my children and family — time that I might not have later at least in higher functioning state. This is not a situation where I’m being negative. This is a situation where I’m talking to God and looking to God to provide answers. My wife and I are praying and I’m seeing a pastor who are talking about it. At work, I have started discussing some options but not a serious level. This is for later. But, God always has an interesting way of communicating. My boss at work told me that he really thought that time with my family would be important. I agree with him it is only the timing of it is key. I love what I do and I garner significant satisfaction from my career. My oncologist and physical therapist both said the same thing yesterday. Then, this morning when I went outside to leave, my neighbor across the street mentioned that he saw me leaving a little bit later in the morning. I just told him I was slowing down just a little bit. He told me “don’t work too hard” and I said I know and he said again don’t work too hard. This is how it always happens. Certain cues present themselves in over a period of time they stack up one way or another this will all be sorted out and the answers will come.

In praying about surgery versus chemotherapy, we are beginning to feel that surgery is not the right direction. They hit we would take in terms of quality of life would be significant. Not only for me but for my wife and my family. I’m a pretty independent person and don’t like to be dependent on other people and this would change all of that if I’m a hemiplegic. So why not spend this time as a higher functioning father and husband. Anyway a lot more to pray about and this decision is down the road but it’s something that needs to be thought about giving my symptoms.

“Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand” (Psalm 139:6, NLT), but it won’t keep me from enjoying this day and praising the One who is in charge of it.

Subscribe by EmailSubscribe by Email RSS Subscription RSS Subscription

  • Share/Bookmark