Blogging in B Minor

Sorry I haven’t posted for a while. This has been one of the most difficult weeks we’ve had in a long time. As you may have seen by my prayer request, Rachael threw her back out last Friday. She has slowly gotten better but is just now starting to get back into the swing of things.

Thank God for family and friends. I have said time and time again that at the end of the day what really matters is family and friends. Have you ever really stopped to think about what truly matters in life? Certainly after a diagnosis like this I have had many questions including what really matters. Frankly, we don’t need all the things we have. We are blessed to have a nice home, transportation, food to feed our family, good schools and other essentials that many people in the world just do not have. I still remember when Pastor Rick Warren at Saddleback church in Southern California said “if you have a roof over your head, food in your refrigerator and a checking account you are wealthier than 98% of the world”.  This is a fact.  So when things go sideways, like this week when Rachael was out of commission and I’ve been out of commission in terms of being a major contributor to our household I really try to remember this.

This morning I’m feeling the full effects of the first-round of chemotherapy hitting me.  Up till this point it’s been pretty easy. And by all other accounts I’m doing just fine so I’m very grateful. I’m just extremely tired. Hard to get from place to place, give myself organized, etc. I find that when the chemotherapy starts stacking up my mental acuity is impacted in this adds to the fatigue. Between cognitive endurance and simple physical endurance with the issues I have with shoulder and leg etc. I guess I hit that wall.

But guess what? I have hit so many walls in the last three years fighting brain cancer that I can’t begin to remember them all so this is no different. I have to put 1 foot in front of the other. Sometimes, I just think about my kids and I do it for them – not only to be here but to show them not to give up. Of course they’ll realize this now but they will later and that’s important to me.

I will finish this round, my first-round,  tomorrow and then I’ll have next week off during which I’ll have an MRI.  Then I will begin round two and will keep going from there. The MRI will give us good information as to whether I should stay on my current chemotherapy regimen which is the Avastin every two weeks and Temodar every day for 21 days a month. If the MRI isn’t moving in the right direction we may switch out Temodar another IV-based chemo or perhaps an oral search as VP-16.  As always I’ll post results here. 

We are praying that Rachael will continue to get better. I think it’s been tough for the kids too, particularly Aidan.  He had a real serious talk with me last night and wondered if mom was it be okay he started drawing parallels to the problems I’m having with my shoulder and leg and I could see where he was going. I told him that mom just picked something up and hurt her back a little bit, she’s going to be better and that my shoulder and leg problems are from my brain tumor – that mom doesn’t have one.  A huge look of relief appeared on his face. He said he was fearful something was happening to her.  I felt so much for him.  Just shows how much kids take in and you just dont know how they will process everything.  He’s doing better today!

When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up –the flames will not consume you.” Is. 43:2 (LB)

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