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Quote of the Day:

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
- E. B. White

Cancer Can Be a Gift?

Chemotherapy, Inspiration, Nutrition 2 Comments »

I hope everyone is fighting the good fight and pressing on!

As difficult as cancer can be in so many ways, its hard to see how anything positive can possibly be yielded by such a monster. But there are gifts, and I’ve written about those many times. Lately though, I’ve had a difficult time eating. Eating and ensuring I have enough fluids in my system so my kidneys are not working overtime is essential. If you are on Avastin your fluid intake must be increased significantly.

All of you, caregivers witnessing this aspect of treatment and those of you experiencing it, know the toll it can take on the body. I have felt weak, tired, and sometimes just tired of feeling tired! This cycle is hard. So what pulls us out of the vicious cycle? For me it has to be divine intervention (prayer/meditation) and trying to focus on what is good in life. How blessed we are and have been. I’ve written about simple gratitude lists. In the end, for me it can be as simple as that. It’s not about stuff, position, status, who you know, and the list goes on. We become much more acutely aware of what is truly important in our lives and more appreciative.

Second, I start digging for inspiration. I have to go into action even if its on my own. Other people can’t do it for you. It is vital to have support! But I also know that sometimes, even when I’m down I have to walk. So inspiration…

Case in point – I happened to remember a few inspirational discussions/speeches by the late, former White House Press Secretary Tony Snow. You may recall he battled colon cancer until his death in 2008.

I could not come remotely close to expressing in words what I’m going to share with you below when Chritianity Today approached him back in 2007. I think most of us have been through and shared many of the thoughts, questions and ideals that Tony describes but he laid it out so eloquently I had to share it.

This picked me up today. I hope you find it as inspirational as I do!
______

Blessings arrive in unexpected packages—in my case, cancer.

Those of us with potentially fatal diseases—and there are millions in America today—find ourselves in the odd position of coping with our mortality while trying to fathom God’s will. Although it would be the height of presumption to declare with confidence What It All Means, Scripture provides powerful hints and consolations.

The first is that we shouldn’t spend too much time trying to answer the why questions: Why me? Why must people suffer? Why can’t someone else get sick? We can’t answer such things, and the questions themselves often are designed more to express our anguish than to solicit an answer.

I don’t know why I have cancer, and I don’t much care. It is what it is—a plain and indisputable fact. Yet even while staring into a mirror darkly, great and stunning truths begin to take shape. Our maladies define a central feature of our existence: We are fallen. We are imperfect. Our bodies give out.

But despite this—because of it—God offers the possibility of salvation and grace. We don’t know how the narrative of our lives will end, but we get to choose how to use the interval between now and the moment we meet our Creator face-to-face.

Second, we need to get past the anxiety. The mere thought of dying can send adrenaline flooding through your system. A dizzy, unfocused panic seizes you. Your heart thumps; your head swims. You think of nothingness and swoon. You fear partings; you worry about the impact on family and friends. You fidget and get nowhere.

To regain footing, remember that we were born not into death, but into life—and that the journey continues after we have finished our days on this earth. We accept this on faith, but that faith is nourished by a conviction that stirs even within many nonbelieving hearts—an intuition that the gift of life, once given, cannot be taken away. Those who have been stricken enjoy the special privilege of being able to fight with their might, main, and faith to live—fully, richly, exuberantly—no matter how their days may be numbered.

Third, we can open our eyes and hearts. God relishes surprise. We want lives of simple, predictable ease—smooth, even trails as far as the eye can see—but God likes to go off-road. He provokes us with twists and turns. He places us in predicaments that seem to defy our endurance and comprehension—and yet don’t. By his love and grace, we persevere. The challenges that make our hearts leap and stomachs churn invariably strengthen our faith and grant measures of wisdom and joy we would not experience otherwise.

‘You Have Been Called’

Picture yourself in a hospital bed. The fog of anesthesia has begun to wear away. A doctor stands at your feet; a loved one holds your hand at the side. “It’s cancer,” the healer announces.

The natural reaction is to turn to God and ask him to serve as a cosmic Santa. “Dear God, make it all go away. Make everything simpler.” But another voice whispers: “You have been called.” Your quandary has drawn you closer to God, closer to those you love, closer to the issues that matter—and has dragged into insignificance the banal concerns that occupy our “normal time.”

There’s another kind of response, although usually short-lived—an inexplicable shudder of excitement, as if a clarifying moment of calamity has swept away everything trivial and tinny, and placed before us the challenge of important questions.

The moment you enter the Valley of the Shadow of Death, things change. You discover that Christianity is not something doughy, passive, pious, and soft. Faith may be the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. But it also draws you into a world shorn of fearful caution. The life of belief teems with thrills, boldness, danger, shocks, reversals, triumphs, and epiphanies. Think of Paul, traipsing though the known world and contemplating trips to what must have seemed the antipodes (Spain), shaking the dust from his sandals, worrying not about tomorrow, but only about the moment.

There’s nothing wilder than a life of humble virtue—for it is through selflessness and service that God wrings from our bodies and spirits the most we ever could give, the most we ever could offer, and the most we ever could do.

Finally, we can let love change everything. When Jesus was faced with the prospect of crucifixion, he grieved not for himself, but for us. He cried for Jerusalem before entering the holy city. From the Cross, he took on the cumulative burden of human sin and weakness, and begged for forgiveness on our behalf.

We get repeated chances to learn that life is not about us—that we acquire purpose and satisfaction by sharing in God’s love for others. Sickness gets us partway there. It reminds us of our limitations and dependence. But it also gives us a chance to serve the healthy. A minister friend of mine observes that people suffering grave afflictions often acquire the faith of two people, while loved ones accept the burden of two people’s worries and fears.

“Learning How to Live”

Most of us have watched friends as they drifted toward God’s arms not with resignation, but with peace and hope. In so doing, they have taught us not how to die, but how to live. They have emulated Christ by transmitting the power and authority of love.

I sat by my best friend’s bedside a few years ago as a wasting cancer took him away. He kept at his table a worn Bible and a 1928 edition of the Book of Common Prayer. A shattering grief disabled his family, many of his old friends, and at least one priest. Here was a humble and very good guy, someone who apologized when he winced with pain because he thought it made his guest uncomfortable. He retained his equanimity and good humor literally until his last conscious moment. “I’m going to try to beat [this cancer],” he told me several months before he died. “But if I don’t, I’ll see you on the other side.”

His gift was to remind everyone around him that even though God doesn’t promise us tomorrow, he does promise us eternity—filled with life and love we cannot comprehend—and that one can in the throes of sickness point the rest of us toward timeless truths that will help us weather future storms.

Through such trials, God bids us to choose: Do we believe, or do we not? Will we be bold enough to love, daring enough to serve, humble enough to submit, and strong enough to acknowledge our limitations? Can we surrender our concern in things that don’t matter so that we might devote our remaining days to things that do?

When our faith flags, He throws reminders in our way. Think of the prayer warriors in our midst. They change things, and those of us who have been on the receiving end of their petitions and intercessions know it.

It is hard to describe, but there are times when suddenly the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, and you feel a surge of the Spirit. Somehow you just know: Others have chosen, when talking to the Author of all creation, to lift us up—to speak of us!

This is love of a very special order. But so is the ability to sit back and appreciate the wonder of every created thing. The mere thought of death somehow makes every blessing vivid, every happiness more luminous and intense. We may not know how our contest with sickness will end, but we have felt the ineluctable touch of God.

What is man that Thou art mindful of him? We don’t know much, but we know this: No matter where we are, no matter what we do, no matter how bleak or frightening our prospects, each and every one of us, each and every day, lies in the same safe and impregnable place—in the hollow of God’s hand.

- Tony Snow

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Keegan Seems Inspired

Inspiration, My Story 2 Comments »

Because I’m home and Keegan is not in school quite yet, I have a lot of opportinities to more deeply discover his  funny and joyful personality.  He is really drawn into music which is cool.  This video is funny and at times he is so focused then he moves to excitement, much as the piece does.  This is the piece I posted a few days ago – Jon Schmidt and the cellist.

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9/11 and Trials

Christianity, Inspiration No Comments »

911tribute.jpgIn the United States, today of course is the anniversary of the worst terrorist attack in our history.  I first want to send out a tribute to those who lost their lives, family members who lost their loved ones and the courageous fire fighters and other civil servants who gave everything to try and save everyone they possible could.

We always imagine that we would be all right if a big crisis arose; but the big crisis will only reveal the stuff we are made of, it will not put anything into us. “If God gives the call, of course I will rise to the occasion.” You will not unless you have risen to the occasion in the workshop, unless you have been the real thing before a crisis. If you are not doing the thing that lies nearest, because God has engineered it; when the crisis comes instead of being revealed as fit, you will be revealed as unfit. Crises always reveals character.

I have mentioned many times how difficult, too, it is for all of us to have a brain tumor diagnosis.  We all ask why?  “Why is this happening to me, us, our family?”  It’s difficult to answer this question.  Perhaps it will never be answered.  For me as a believer, I know that I have a purpose in life and always have.  My purpose has just taken a turn post-diagnosis.  Not only does this build endurance, but that endurance and the way I approach this, in every way, is in plain view of my children.  I want them all to see that no matter what lies ahead, big or small, you can still face it.  I take steps backwards – we all do, but I’m certainly not curling up in a dark room without a window and shutting down.  What kind of role model is that?  It demonstrates how easily you can be defeated and as they get older they will remember that.  Rather, facing trials are a fact of life.  Without trials in our lives, even of this magnitude, we have a purpose.  We have the opportunity to share our testimony with others.

I’m not wanting to be an inspiration.  For me, it’s not about that.  It’s about my family.  And, one purpose I have found is helping people who are also afflicted with this disease.  I have received so many emails from people who just don’t know where to start.  I remember feeling that way – life changing on a dime.  Doctors telling you to do this and that.  The clock is ticking.  You don’t have time for this or that.  Well, I followed the path that I was placed upon.  If something goes in a direction I’m not happy with, I will adjust.  Do I have a choice?  No – adapt and formulate a new strategy and know that things are exactly as they should be.  Change the things I can control and accept those things I cannot change.

9/11 was a trial of an enourmous magnitude that affected hundreds of thousands of people.  Lots of healing was necessary.  The healing may never end.  However, they are all an example to us.

Finally, check this out – it will leave you amazed:

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The Power of Today

Brain Tumor Treatment, Inspiration 8 Comments »

How many times do we focus on the future and worry about the future.  As a brain tumor survivor, I struggle with this all the time.  I know many other survivors do.  Caregivers and family members alike have the same problem.  Much of this is human nature.  A great example is when an MRI scan is approaching.  It’s nerve wracking!  It’s difficult not to look at that date on the calendar and start wondering about the outcome of the scan.  Starting a new therapy – chemo.  How do you cope?  Seeking out people who have gone through it.  How will I do this?  Surgeries?  For me, my tumor is on the motor strip.  I was told I wouldn’t walk again.  I walk.  The goal, however, is not to catapult myself into tomorrow – nor is it to dwell on yesterday.  It’s staying in TODAY.  The moment.  The power of today.  I can’t change yesterday nor can I change what will happen tomorrow.  Yes, I can learn as much as possible about treatments but when I move into worry, anxiety and other negative thinking that is not helpful then I need to adjust and be present.

Let’s face it, whether you have a brain tumor or any other problem in life, all any of us have is today.  I can second guess what’s happened in the past but it’s gone and done.  I can also worry about the future but all that will accomplish is taking me out of the moment – I’m not present for my wife and children, my friends, God – even myself.

Steven Curtis Chapman wrote an amazing song called “The Miracle of the Moment”.  It’s worth placing the first two verses and chorus here in this post:

—–

It’s time for letting go
All of our “if onlies”
Cause we don’t have a time machine

And even if we did
Would we really want to use it
Would we really want to go change everything

Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

There’s only One who knows
What’s really out there waiting
And all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He’s out there waiting
To Him the future’s history

And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There’s a wonder in the here and now
It’s right there in front of you
And I don’t want you to miss the miracle of the moment

—–

Pretty powerful, relevant and so on point.  Should’ve.  Could’ve.  Would’ve.  How unproductive but I find myself doing it.  And I pray.  The other question I ask myself is “Is this helpful?”  If it isn’t, I stop.  Sometimes it isn’t easy.  Having a relationship with God certainly helps – I pray for His will for me.  He’s the author of life.  He knows where this is going.  And as this song describes, it is about letting go – not just the “if onlies” but everything.  Living freely.  Living for today and sometimes, when the road is rough, living for the moment – the miracle of the moment.

I pray that we all can take life as it comes and not worry so much about our future.  It will play out as God has planned it to be.  If you are not a believer, that’s ok too.  Staying in today is for you, too.  I want to be there.  My youngest son Keegan turns 2 on Monday.  What if I’m all worried about my upcoming MRI?  I’m not going to allow that to happen.  Today is Friday.  I’m enjoying Friday.  I hope you are enjoying / have enjoyed Friday as well.

Peace

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Strength – Let’s Keep Going…

Christianity, Inspiration, My Story No Comments »

stylized-cross.jpg

Isiah 40:28-31   28 Have you never heard or understood?  Don’t you know that the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth?  He never grows faint or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding.  29 He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak.  30 Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up.  31 But those who wait on the LORD will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.

Amen

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A New Day

Christianity, Inspiration, Support No Comments »

Just a quick post – I am in a much better place today.  I woke up during the night looking forward to work!  And, I do know that God is in the middle of this.  I appreciate the comments and emails very much.  I do know it’s normal and human to feel this way.  I screamed in the car after church on Sunday!  It actually felt good.  But, today I feel better.  It felt good to put on a suit and tie, dress shoes and head into my office – a great prank someone set up upon my arrival, etc. 

I have two appointments today – one with my neurologist to discuss my medication levels going back to the issue with Lamictal and the vertigo incident and the other with my neuro-oncologist to discuss to possibility of undergoing an Avastin infusion between now and when I start the vaccine which should be in the next week to two weeks.  However, this could be prudent given the wait time so that is our topic.

Again, thanks for all of the support.  It’s much appreciated…

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Randy Pausch 1960 – 2008

Inspiration No Comments »

I was deeply saddened today to learn that Randy Pausch succumbed to pancreatic cancer.  If you aren’t familiar with Randy or his “Last Lecture”, take a look at my post back in May.  He was an absolutely amazing person who fought his battle with dignity and grace and is a model  for all of us.  He never gave up, pursued many types of chemotherapy treatments and was an advocate in front of Congress.

 May he rest in peace.

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The Last Lecture

Inspiration 3 Comments »

Many of you must have learned of Dr. Randy Pausch and his fight against pancreatic cancer.  I recall my wife Rachael recording an episode of Oprah that featured him presenting what he calls his Last Lecture.  Since that episode that aired months ago, he has gained much notoriety and has published a book entitled “The Last Lecture”. 

Randy’s lecture is an amazingly inspirational experience.  I would urge all of you take this in if you haven’t already.  Also, below the video I have placed a link to his update page where he is posting updates on his health.  This is obviously a huge battle and he’s way down the road with it – prayers are always powerful…

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 Randy Pausch’s Update Page

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