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Quote of the Day:

Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.
- Saint Augustine
Jan 22

6 months…moving forward can be difficult.

Family, My Story, Support 2 Comments »

It is hard to believe that it has been just over 6 months since Mark’s passing and as I look back over this time of change, sadness and healing, not a day goes by where I don’t find myself thinking of he and mom and wishing we could see each other or at least talk.

Thinking about Mark and the legacy that he left behind – I am truly amazed at just how many lives Mark touched through his journey…this blog is perfect testament of this – with thousands of posts/comments, Mark’s life continues to help so many…myself included.

For now, I must be content with listening to his voice through his music and of course my memories.

I miss you my brother and look forward to seeing you again someday!

Shawn

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Jul 11

Current Status

Blog, Medical Updates 16 Comments »

I know it’s been a while since Mark’s last post and we wanted to keep everyone up to date on his status. 

Mark was discharged from the hospital on July 2nd and we are all making adjustments to a new routine. 

As Mark mentioned in one of his earlier posts, after a lot of thought and prayer, we made the decision to retain at-home hospice services.  With the last MRI report revealing more new lesions and enhancement in such a short span of time, it made the decision to utilize hospice a little bit easier.  

Mark’s stability has been a growing concern in that the use of a cane was not giving him enough support.  He is now using a wheelchair to help him get around the home safely.  We are fairly home-bound due to his mobility issues, along with the tumor progression and how that limits him.  However, we have been enjoying friends and family visiting, helping and loving on us through this challenge.  His parents, who spend their summers in Oregon, have been here the last several weeks and plan to stay on as they offer tremendous support to not just Mark, but to our entire family.  In addition, Mark’s daughter Lauren, who lives in Southern California, was able to take a leave of absence from her job and has been staying with us, helping with Mark and the boys, running countless errands, doing lots of household chores and saying yes to every favor we ask of her! 

While we wouldn’t have wished for this journey ourselves, the outpouring of support from loved ones, family, friends, and even people who barely know us have comforted us beyond words, providing critical reminders that we are not alone on this path.  No, it isn’t what we would’ve chosen, but coming to a place of acceptance and the peace that brings with it is an immense blessing I couldn’t have foreseen.   

We can’t thank all of you enough for your continuous love, support and prayers. 

All our love,

Rachael (on behalf of Mark)

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Jun 15

Hospitalized

Complications, Medications, Nutrition 4 Comments »

Beginning last Thursday, I started experiencing flu-like symptoms. I did the best I could to get myself on my feet again io until last night (Sunday) but ended up going to Sutter Roseville Medical Center and was admitted. After being unable to ingest oral meds, let alone the limited food and fluid intake, this was the right call. Among other concerns I had was my inability to keep down oral anti-convulsants and the risk of seizures.

I was finally in a room at midnight. The good news – CT scan appears stable!! I would have ordered an MRI because there are no other comparison CT scans but it gave us a sufficient look.

My aim is suppotive care here. This is likely a virus. So, hydration, get food back into my system, meds back on-boardand basically get the car running again are all part of the plan

More to come. This will come to pass. Have to solve the ptoblem

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Apr 26

Starting Temodar Chemo Tonight

Chemotherapy 3 Comments »

A quick update – heading downtown shortly for my first avastin infusion in about 6 weeks.  We waited until we finished the 6 weeks of vaccine injections.  Tonight I will start on temodar for 21 days straight then a 7 day break. Then I’ll go back on for 21 days and so on. 

Please pray that this treatment slows growth and that it doesn’t impact my immune system too much.  You might recall that I did 8 rounds in 2007 and finally came off because my WBC was too low and wouldn’t recover.  Strength in numbers.  I sincerely appreciate it!

A dear friend gave this to Rachael and I.  I wanted to share it with everyone.  A great reminder!

Are you passing through a testing.
Is your pillow wet with tears?
Do you wonder what the reason,
Why it seems God never hears?
 
Why it is you have no answer
To your oft-repeated plea,
Why the heaven still is leaden
As you wait on bended knee?
 
Do you wonder as you suffer,
Whether God does understand,
And if so, why He ignores you,
Fails to hold you in His Hand?
 
Do black doubts creep in, assail you,
Fears without, and fears within,
Till your brave heart almost falters
And gives way to deadly sin?
 
All God’s testings have a purpose-
Someday you will see the light.
All He asks is that you trust Him,
Walk by faith and not by sight.
 
Do not fear when doubts beset you,
Just remember-He is near;
He will never, never leave you,
He will always, always hear.
 
Faithful is He who has promised,
He will never let you fall,
Daily will the strength be given
Strength for each and strength for all.
 
He will gladly share pain with you,
He will gladly give you peace.
Till your tired and weary body
Finds its blessed, glad release.
 
When the darkened veil is lifted,
Then, dear heart, you’ll understand
Why it is you had to suffer,
Why you could not feel His hand
 
Giving strength when it was needed,
Giving power and peace within
Giving joy thru tears and trial,
Giving victory over sin.
 
So till then just keep on trusting,
Thru the sunshine and the rain,
Thru the tears and thru the heartaches,
Thru the smiles and thru the pain
 
Knowing that our Father watches,
Knowing daily strength He’ll give,
Victory for each passing hour,
This is life, so let us live!
 
- John E. Zoller

 

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Apr 18

Safari West Slide Show

My Story, Travel 2 Comments »

As mentioned, we took a lot of photos and video when we went on our trip to Safari West in the Santa Rosa, CA. I found some time this weekend to bang ou the dvd that contaims the main video and also slideshow. I uploaded the slide show to YouTube but you can ut right here:

YouTube Preview Image

Big day tomorrow. 9am I pick 2 new foot bracecs to try at PT at 10am, followed by an appt w/GP then an MRI! Sheesh. Anything else to be addaed?

More to conm…

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Jan 07

Time

Christianity 3 Comments »

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. (Psalm 139:16)

How many days does anyone have left?? I don’t know and no one does, except God. As many of us have learned through the Bible, He knows the exact number of years, days, hours and seconds that we will be here on earth.

This may not seem like a very uplifting topic. In fact, most people find the topic frightening. As the brain tumor survivor, I have grown to adapt to this thought and find a lot of comfort in knowing that God has a perfect plan for me.  I will not die a day sooner or live a day longer than what has already been planned by him from the start.  In knowing this, I am relieved of the fear of death and I can fully live the life that God has planned for me. This does not mean it’s easy.  After all we are only human.  However, I can move through this trial with the One who is intimately involved in my life.

God knows me! He knows everything about me. He watches over me and my family and has proven time and time again this all to be true. Right now, we are cautiously discussing the notion of my not working so that I can spend time with my children and family — time that I might not have later at least in higher functioning state. This is not a situation where I’m being negative. This is a situation where I’m talking to God and looking to God to provide answers. My wife and I are praying and I’m seeing a pastor who are talking about it. At work, I have started discussing some options but not a serious level. This is for later. But, God always has an interesting way of communicating. My boss at work told me that he really thought that time with my family would be important. I agree with him it is only the timing of it is key. I love what I do and I garner significant satisfaction from my career. My oncologist and physical therapist both said the same thing yesterday. Then, this morning when I went outside to leave, my neighbor across the street mentioned that he saw me leaving a little bit later in the morning. I just told him I was slowing down just a little bit. He told me “don’t work too hard” and I said I know and he said again don’t work too hard. This is how it always happens. Certain cues present themselves in over a period of time they stack up one way or another this will all be sorted out and the answers will come.

In praying about surgery versus chemotherapy, we are beginning to feel that surgery is not the right direction. They hit we would take in terms of quality of life would be significant. Not only for me but for my wife and my family. I’m a pretty independent person and don’t like to be dependent on other people and this would change all of that if I’m a hemiplegic. So why not spend this time as a higher functioning father and husband. Anyway a lot more to pray about and this decision is down the road but it’s something that needs to be thought about giving my symptoms.

“Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand” (Psalm 139:6, NLT), but it won’t keep me from enjoying this day and praising the One who is in charge of it.

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Dec 04

Prayer

Christianity No Comments »

Sending out a prayer for Steve, a co-worker who underwent a craniotomy this morning.  I do not know his condition at this point but am praying.  If everyone who sees this post can pray it would be appreciated.

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Oct 19

Monday – Sad Day

My Story 1 Comment »

Yesterday was a tough day.  I won’t use names to protect the anonymity of the person involved, but someone who has been just an integral part of my treatment – more in the background but has just been an angel – took her own life over the weekend.  I received a call yesterday morning.  It was a shock to everyone.  She leaves behind a teenage son whom she left a note for before she carried out what I personally view as a very selfish, self-serving act.  It may be harsh to say, because I cared about her very much, but frankly that’s what it is – straight up.  She helped Rachael and I more than anyone will ever know.  I always knew that she was there for us if there was anything we needed. 

It was hard for me to feel sadness yesterday and I’m having a hard time feeling it today.  I’m angry and frustrated by what she has done.  It came as a total shock.  She had some trials in her life just as many of us do.  She had a few relationships that went sour, some depression and other things that I talked to her at length about over lunches.  She had become a friend over the years but I along with others, including her family, never saw this coming.  I tried to lead her to God but I know she is with Him now.  That is my perspective.  I know there are differing opinions when it comes to the 6th Commandment but none of us knows what happens when a soul leaves this earth.  She was a giving, loving person with a caring heart that would help anyone.  She helped countless brain tumor patients – hundreds including patients with other neurological ailments.  There is no doubt in my mind that she is there.  It’s so unfortunate that she helped so many yet placed herself last in line and chose a permanant solution to a temporary problem.  How important it is indeed to acknowledge in life what is temporal vs eternal.   

As brain tumor survivors and from my own perspective, I could throw in the towel and quit but I can’t even wrap my mind around it.  The apostle Paul faced total despair in Asia and could have given up many times, but he held on to God.  In retrospect, there was nothing that anyone could obviously do.  I spoke to her many times as did family members and I’m sure friends – just helping her through rough spots.

For those who are believers.  We must live steadfast with God and live in today.  I know I’ve said that over and over but it is so important to me and a cornerstone of my way of life today.  For non-believers – live in today!  Romans 8:5 says “For those who live according to the flesh have their outlook shaped by the things of the flesh.  But those who live according to the Spirit have their outlook shaped by the things of the Spirit”.  The situation itself is very sad but my thoughts and prayers are for her son who will have to live with this.  What she set in motion is set.  Prayers need to go out to him and her family now dealing with the wake of sorrow and grief left behind.  You see, there is no sorrow or grieving in heaven.  Heaven is perfect.  Here on earth, however, there is plenty of that to endure.  This is a huge trial that has been created and her son and others will have to carry this.  And, the other aspect that is sad is the opportunity to allow God to work through her with patients as she did so well is now gone.  She was great at what she did.

Please pray.  Even though I’m not using names, just pray for “Mark’s caring and helpful friend who was so instrumental in his treatment over the past 3 years – for her son and that he can garner strength and hope from God, that he can be led to God and find solace, faith and comfort and that this setback will not impact his life in such a way that he will be hindered in any way.”

Finally, one of her favorite songs on my River of Faith CD was Angels of the Night which is now so ironic and pretty eerie.  I’ll just close by putting the streaming audio clip here.

Angels of the Night

Rest in peace dear.  You’ll be missed but you’re gone way too soon…

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